Six Things Relationship Gurus Don't Tell You

We've all been in relationships right?  And they're those where we just wish we would have done things differently.  Want straight talk on relationships? Well I'll tackle what works and what doesn't in the next three posts starting with this one.  Just what aren't the relationship gurus telling us?

1. It's Your Fault

You know when you've done wrong. Admit it.  You may have been 'looking out for your own interests' only to realize that in the process you hurt those you love the most and made your own life more miserable.  Own up.  Own it.  You created the situation.  Now work on creating a better situation.  But realize that it will take time, energy, commitment and self-sacrifice.  All the things you hate to hear.

2.  Pull Your Weight

You are in a relationship, that means you and someone else share the responsibility for making things work through communication, compromise, patience, service and mindfulness of the other.  So what if your partner makes it look and feel so easy but you can't seem to do it without lots of effort.  Get in there, work on it, do your part.  Ask where you can make improvements and do it.  Things won't work unless both of you decide to PULL YOUR WEIGHT.

3.  Express Yourself

Sometimes you have to be prepared to let it all out.  Let it be known when your feelings are hurt, or when you expected more, or when you just need to vent.  Any relationship can benefit from plain unpolished truth and emotion.  Nothing like a kick in the ass to say "Look something is wrong and we have to fix it".

4.  Think 'Us' not 'Me'

Best way to end a relationship?  Be completely 'me-centred'.  You come to a relationship to feel a sense of wholeness and satisfaction with another person.  Once your focus becomes on how everything will affect 'me' or work for 'me' or help 'me' rather than 'us', you've just ended the relationship by default.

5.  No secrets

So you've kept that years-old secret close to your chest. No one can ever know right? Wrong! When it comes to relationships, be brave.  Get it out in the open.  If you don't, some day your skeleton in the closet may just accidentally fall out and scare your partner to death.

6.  Children are a Deal-breaker

If you want children and your partner doesn't or vice versa, then you won't be in this union for the long haul.  State your position and be prepared to move on if it isn't mutual.